Soon to be Ex

Yay! I finally have the money to file for a divorce. Never knew how expensive it was, geez. So now I will have the joy of filling out the paper work, setting up mediation, and figuring out how to serve him with the papers. I did find out some rather interesting things about him this past week, and as much as I thought I was "over" him, for some annoying reason I still care a little bit about him. Go figure. He has some kind of growth and has been in the hospital multiple times the past few months. It could be cancer, which is scary. I feel bad that he and the kids have to go through this, but at the same time, all I can think is; You've done this to yourself. Which isn't really true, I don't think you can give yourself cancer, but he's never been totally honest with any of his doctors among other things. I did find out something today that makes me laugh every time I think about it. He got a fairly large tattoo of the girls name. Wow, really man? Guess she thinks that's her security that he won't leave her? LOL, I can't believe he did that, simply because he always told me he would never get the name of a girl tattooed for fear if something happened and it ended it would always be there. LMAO, seriously, LMAO. And to this day he has not tried to see his son since he left, over 1 and 1/2 years ago. He's missing so much, but at least my son's life is peaceful and there is no going back and forth right now. I really have no idea if he'll ever want a relationship with my son, and I will feel bad the day my son has to be torn between two homes. Divorce sucks when there are children involved.

How can you (well, maybe I'm partial) not smile when you see this cute face? I have not done well in any "exercise" from my previous blog. Haha. I had high hopes at the moment. I am still at the same weight so at least it hasn't gone up! But I definately do not enjoy looking at the mirror so something needs to be done soon! Come on, get your act together!

My son never ceases to amaze me, and I wonder how I'm ever going to pull off spending more time with him and less time working, yet still being able to support us. I miss so much away from him, he is learning new things so quickly all the time. I'm his whole world and he is mine, and quite honestly I can't see it any other way. I often wonder what it would be like if I were still with my soon to be ex. But I know this is what life intended for me. I'm just so much happier and have found myself again. I have had to depend on myself this last 15 months (well, really almost 2 years) and really suprised myself with how much I am capable of doing on my own. And most suprised to learn that I was doing most things (like my whole pregnancy) on my own even when living with the soon to be ex. It still saddens me and probably always will that I picked the wrong bio dad for my son, or sperm donor if you will. He deserved a mommy AND a daddy, but we're doing just fine. And I can't make the sperm donor want to have anything to do with his son. Maybe sometime when I have a lot of time I'll go into details, but this has gotten mightly long as it is and I'm just rambling. I love being a mommy!